Dear Parkinson’s,
Listen Parkinson’s, I’ve been living with you for seven years now and I still don’t understand you. I know that PD is a neurodegenerative brain disorder that affects dopamine producing neurons that transmit signals between the brain and nerve cells but what I am trying to get a grasp on is what you are doing to me physically and emotionally. I really don’t understand. I should, as we have been living together for a long time. Sometimes I am okay being with you and then without warning and for no reason you hit me with a new symptom or a major case of the PD blues. I had a hard time getting dressed yesterday. Today i am exercising and humming a happy tune. Talk about inconsistency.
I talked to my PD friends even though I know we are snowflakes, no two alike and that each of us has a personal PD. They don’t understand either. All we want to know is what each day will be like and how you will progress over time so we can best prepare for the future and be comfortable having you around. But no, you are inconsistent and keep surprising me with new symptoms.
Putting up with you is tough. You were okay when we first met and it was only tremors in my right hand but you changed. You spread the tremors to the rest of my body, made it hard to walk, messed up my posture, and upset my balance. Then you introduced fatigue, anxiety, insomnia and the other non motor symptoms into our relationship and that was too much. And just when I am ready to give up, I have a good day and remember how it used to be when we first met and you weren’t too bad and I thought I could live with you.
I try to prepare but don’t understand how you decide which symptoms to hit me with for the day. Will it be increased tremors, or really bad balance, or over powering fatigue, or by some miracle surprise will I be okay for the day. Then there is the intensity: small, medium, large, or the lay me out extra large full misery. So I sought professional help but instead of improving, you got progressively worse with time. I have to take drugs just to put up with you and get through the day.
I tried my hardest to live with you but you only got worse. I’ve had enough. I want a divorce. I no longer want you in my life. No more sleepless nights, no more tremors, no more falling, no more stress, no more Parkinson’s. I’m contacting my neurologist to see what my options are. You will be hearing from us.
Sincerely,
Peter
