My world started to shrink when I got PD. Is Parkinson’s the cause of my world getting smaller, is aging responsible, or am I just slowly but steadily and increasingly losing interest in the world around me? I realize that I am not aging in the best possible way. I should be more active and maintaining social, emotional, and intellectual contact with the people and world around me despite PD. It’s not that I particularly want to or am trying to withdraw. It seems more like a gradual natural disengagement where I just don’t particularly care about or want to interact with the world and events. Is it natural and acceptable to withdraw from society as I age or is PD preventing me from living a full life?
I sold my lovely car and gave up driving even though my driving is still good. I promised my kids I would stop driving if they told me I was not driving safely. They say I am still a good driver. I know my reflexes have slowed a little and I really liked that car. So why did I give it up? Was it because I thought I was getting too old or because I live in a transportation friendly city and don’t really need the car or because I just am tired of the hassles of ownership or is it because I have Parkinson’s and am slowly doing less and less. Days, world events, life seems to pass before me like a movie that I am neither part of nor taking an interest in.
My comfort zone has shrunk and I don’t want to leave it. I no longer travel and don't want to. No trips to new places. I want to sleep in my own bed and can best handle PD in my house. Anything else is tricky. Visitors make me nervous for days before they come although I often feel the best and sometimes forget that I have PD when I am with people. Is my world view shrinking due to PD? Am I turning inward and concentrating more on every move I make as it gets harder and harder to move. Where did my youth go now that I am old and need it?
These are some of the things I’ve stopped doing or now do less of. You already know that I sold my car and don’t understand why. I was driving less but still found it useful to have. It’s as if I just stopped caring about whether I had a car or not. I moved into a smaller house, a condo half the size of my long time single family home that also had a front and back yard. Less maintenance, less storage, less space. I almost completely gave up cooking even though I still enjoy food and like to eat. Minimal preparation, no recipes. The simplest meals. Pan the meat, nuke the potato. The microwave is my friend. I stopped working and although I love retirement my days are less busy and I’m not as active as I was. I disconnect from my surroundings and appreciate solitude more and more. I stopped learning how to use new technologies. I used to stand tall and straight but am shrinking, growing physically smaller as I slowly contract into Parkinson’s traditional question mark posture. What is the meaning of this, what to make of it?
Has anything increased in importance, gotten bigger, become more meaningful? I am happiest when I am with family and friends. They help me get out of myself and enlarge my world. The PD community is great for sharing experience, understanding, compassion and information. Humor and laughter lighten the load, reading and old black and white movies are relaxing, and listening to the rain is peaceful.
What is in store for me as my world becomes circumscribed and continues to shrink? What will my life be like as I become less connected and possibly lose my independence? Do people fade away as they age or is it life that fades away? Will my world continue to shrink until I disappear or can I age well and maintain the ability to function physically, intellectually, emotionally, socially, and spiritually despite my medical condition? No answers in this post. Just thoughts and questions. Getting rid of the car hurt. i sold it to may ex. She quickly dented the left fender, then the right, and then within six months got in an accident that completely totaled the car. It deserved better. I miss it and want it back.
