Parkinson’s is like rust, it never sleeps. Slowly and inexorably progressing in all its ways, Eroding my health and affecting the quality of my life more and more every day. Progressive, degenerative, incurable, neurological brain disorder. Moments of feeling okay interspersed with varying degrees of discomfort while getting a little worse each day.
At first it wasn’t too bad. I thought I could handle it. My right hand shook a little but I didn’t mind. It took Restless Leg Syndrome to get me to the doctor. I couldn’t lie in bed at night. My legs were jumping up trying to run around the room with me chasing after them and escorting them back to bed only to immediately bounce back up again. What is going on here, what’s happening to me? The doctor told me I had PD, prescribed some meds, and said come and see me if it gets worse. Of course it got worse, not too bad at first, but slowly and progressively developing until it completely changed my life.
One year later I thought this isn’t too bad. I can handle this if it stays this way. RLS under control with meds, right hand shakes a little more, meds make my head feel a little funny, but my movement and balance are good and I can take care of myself. It stayed that way for two years and then:
Three years later I became James Bond’s favorite bartender. All my drinks were shaken not stirred. Tremors in both hands and sometimes my legs and body as well. My body ached and had painful leg cramps many mornings. I began to have trouble with balance and stability and moved in one of three modes: normal movement most of the time, the PD shuffle when tired, and sometimes late at night and especially when dark I careened around the room like a pinball. Little old ladies wanted to help me while shopping. Kind people offered me their seat on the bus and I was not embarrassed to take it. The effort to accomplish the every day and necessary - shaving, bathing, eating, brushing my teeth, putting my shoes on - became more difficult. PD is a physical disease that takes an emotional toll. The effort involved to do daily tasks slowly wears you down over time. It’s a double whammy. PD affects the bodies ability to function and also robs you of the energy necessary to perform tasks. Do the dishes - are you kidding , I’m just happy I had the energy to make dinner. But as my body shrinks in on itself and my abilities diminish my spirit grows stronger. Sense of humor intact.
Seven years after diagnosis with PD and I now use a walker when going outside and sometimes late at night to get around the house. It is not absolutely necessary but it makes it easier especially now that my balance is not as good and my right leg freezes so I can’t move it. Sleepless nights make for fatigued days. It takes two or three times longer and increased concentration to accomplish simple tasks that I once did without thinking. I am concerned about the possible future side effects of the meds as I take more to combat more frequent and powerful off periods. My mind is still good but I worry about how much longer I can perform the necessary activities of daily living without requiring help. Growing old is part of life and we all suffer the slings and arrows of aging but I miss who I was and am saddened by what I am becoming.
What will the future bring? I don’t know. I accept that PD is progressive and will get worse but believe I have some influence in determining the progression of the disease. What am I doing to deal with it? I learn all I can about PD so I can make intelligent decisions to best deal with it. Partner with my doctor to make the best comprehensive medical plan for my unique symptoms. Take my meds as prescribed and let my doctor know how they are working. Exercise, exercise, exercise as much as possible as it is the only thing we know of that can slow the progression of the disease. The more I exercise the better I feel. Be socially involved and engaged with life and the PD community. Appreciate as much as possible the good things I have. A healthy mind and positive attitude is the greatest asset in fighting the disease.
No comments:
Post a Comment